The Mind's Venom...

There are always problems within the world, within society, within a country, within culture, within the church, and within a family... However, few of us pay much attention to that which holds dwelling inside of ourselves. This is an unfortunately rare thing to recognize, which is a gross misfortune- many of our bloodiest battles are faught in our own minds.

Some humans have more problems than others, or some people have vastly different issues to contend with. Then some people, like me, have a tempest of things running amock in our gray matter, and it's just exaughsting.

You see, for most of my life, I didn't have anyone to talk to... I was an Athiest by the age of 12, and really, for a 12 year old, that's a terribly depressing place to be. I can recall trying to wrap my mind around what it would be like when I die, what it is to not exist, and finding that any conclusion I came to was either astoundingly disheartening, or the contradictions made my mind do backflips and frontflips and cartwheels without my say... But I digress, that is not the point.
The point of this isn't Athiesm, it's Wrath. Wrath, like that thought of non-existance, is something one must fight.

I have lived with Wrath, to the point that yes, I capitalize it as though it's a being. It may as well be, when a person gets truely Wrathful, it's as though they have been replaced by some other creature. When I was in 4th grade, I wrote a story called Venom... I can't really recally recall why, but over the years, I identified Wrath as The Mind's Venom. It's always there for those that have it, and it seeps into you, makes you change in unwanted ways... It could even kill you if you let it.

The reason I bring this up is because Wrath is something that's such a large part of me, it's so engrained into my person, that I literally must pray and ask God to help me stay my anger. Now, I was talking to a teacher and she stated something... I'm not entirely sure what started the conversation, but I ended up trying to describe exactly what Wrath feels like for me.

I describe it as this- Like a venom... It makes your muscles twitch, and your skin crawl, and makes you feel like you must do something with your body. Makes you feel like you MUST hurt something, you must find balance just to make your skin quit lurching over your muscles, just to make you feel normal. Your eyes dialite, they focus on somebody, something and they stay there, like stones, watching, waiting, forcing your mind to harp on all the bad, all the anger, all the rage that's currently welling up in your stomach, trying to force its way out through you.
And then, after you finally let it out, after you hit a wall or pull out your hair or hurt someone (even yourself)... Everything goes quiet... Everything goes still and peaceful, and you feel normal.

THAT is Wrath... There are those of us who have to deal with it. I've gathered over the years that Wrath is not the same as anger, it's not the same as hatred. Wrath is something inside of you, a bit more than just an emotion. Emotions you can stay, you can control, you can breath and they're just in your mind. Wrath is something different. It even makes you react physically.

So, here's the point. Living with the curse that is Wrath, I've only ever found one real way to deal with it, one real way to get it to stop making your body react in strange ways, to keep yourself from hurting someone terribly.

That way, is *dun dun dun* God. You probably guessed that... But I'm actually being completely serious...

I've recently come close to allowing Wrath to make me do some very very horrible things. I've tried to count back from 100, tried Buddhist meditation, tried stress relieving objects... Just about everything except illicit drugs. The only thing I've got that makes it all go away, even for a second, is God...

So, if you have to deal with the curse of Wrath, the next time you feel like hurting someone, the next time you feel like hurting yourself... Pray...
I'm not promising it will always work, but He's the only one who can help... Far more than you can help yourself.

-Bethany Faith

Sheep Among Wolves...

Something mildly disturbing happened today. We held an event called "See You at the Pole", during which we all gather around the flagpole and pray.

Now, I understand that we aren't allowed to be picky as to who joins us. Such a thing would be hypocritical, and there's no way for us as human beings to tell who is honest and who is not.

However, one kid, the one standing next to me. He did one of the most disrespectful things I can think of doing. To understand, I suppose, one must also understand that I was raised very VERY Catholic, old school, centered a lot around ritual, and YES RESPECT. Therefore, everything having to do with prayer and service is to be treated with an amount of respect, even if you don't believe in it.

This kid, during my prayer, started mumbling about "smokin' a dubie".... It interrupted me... I know it shouldn't have, but an amount of fury welled up in me. That is simply something you DON'T DO. I understand freedom of speech, I understand that he had every right... But WHY would a person be so incredibly disrespectful, especially when they claim to Christianity themselves??

But alas, this post is not really about them, or my interrupted prayer, or The Pole... It's about something out of the bible that we all need to recall every now and then.

I refer myself to Matthew 10:16, "See, I am sending you out like sheep among wolves. So be as cunning as serpents and as innocent as doves." (ISV)

This is a predictable happening. We are going to be the outcasts, and when we get together, we are all going to have to face the fact that we are the freaks... Like in Middle School, when the SciFi club got together, there was always the one guy, who would go undercover, simply to mock them. How? Because even in groups, even AMONG fellow Christians, we are still VASTLY outnumbered.

We are Sheep among Wolves. And let's face it, Wolves wouldn't be Wolves if they didn't try and bite every now and again.

Just remember, when this happens, don't react like I did, with wrath and resentment.

In the face of adversity, Be as cunning as snakes, and as innocent as doves.

-Bethany Faith

Starting Over...

Alright, so we're taught as kids about God, usually in a very weird, wildly incorrect way.

A lot of us were told things like, "Honey, be good and you won't go to Hell..."

These sort of philosophies are hammered into our brains as children, and often we grow up with a completely twisted thought of God... I know I did. The reason I began going to church again wasn't because I wanted a relationship with Christ. In fact, Christ, God, the Spirit, these were all just far off figures to me. People that existed and still exist, but in a way almost completely disconnected from myself.

Essentially, I began going to church again because I rationalized, "Assuming there IS a Hell... I certainly don't want to go there".

This is an ASTOUNDINGLY flawed thought. One doesn't come to Christ simply under the pretenses that they don't want eternal punishment, one truely comes to Christ because they either recognize that they can't do it on their own, or they truely want a relationship with Him...

So, sometime in life, one actually reads the Bible, and may find that "Oh, there are some contradictions in here with some things I learned as a kid." or, "What the Frik??? I've never heard THAT before..."

At this crossroad, we, as real followers of Christ, have to make a crucial choice... Do we remain in our thinking, and hope that we're right?.. Or do we do something that is near impossible and Start Over?

If you haven't done this yet, it's Just something to think about... But it's also something that we should all consider... If you have, then great!!! And if you never have, nor will ever have to, we should all be so fortunate...

-Bethany... :)

"TheReal234" ???

So, before I begin, I suppose I should clarify... Exactly what does "TheReal234" mean???

Well, it's simple... In trying to find a name, I was going through a bunch of names to coencide with the numbers "234". Both parts of the name mean different things...

234... It comes from what's always been one of my facorite verses, because it can mean so many things to so many people, and yet it's astounding simple... Psalm 23:4... Though I walk through the valley of the Shadow of Death, I shall fear no evil... That one just means a lot to me...

God is known as "The One", "The Way", "The Word".... I chose The Real, because, let's face it, in this crazy human-filled world, He's the only constant.

In a world of variables, in a world of "x"es... He's the only constant... The only REALLY REAL thing we've got.

TheReal234... :)

Ladies and Gentlemen...

I suppose introductions are in order.
My name is Bethany Faith. And I am a Christian. Simple as that.

But there is this great, understated truth about every Christian, which is that each one is different. Everyone comes to the Great Truth in their own way. Every one rationalizes, or chooses not to, loves, rejects, adores, and worships in their own way.

And I, being incredibly analytical and scientific in nature, am no different. I find that when people speak of Christ and their Salvation, very few have a mindset like mine. And I get incredibly excited thinking about helping people with my own Bethany-ness, with the help of God, of course. Let's face it, if I tried this on my own, it might not turn out too well.

Now, perhaps throughout this blog, you might learn more about me, but this is not about me.

This is about God.

- Bethany Faith